The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith

“All you have to do is act like you’re normal and okay, and people start treating you that way.”

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened, but she can’t. So, she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

This book was intense. It was horribly hurtful to read but I could not put the book down. I was crying and sick to my stomach by the time I was done. What Eden goes through is so powerful it’s hard to describe how great this book was when such terrible things happened. Told in four parts, freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year, the novel reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

I gave this novel and HUGE five star-rating. I highly recommended it and I think every young woman needs to read this. It’s not often that I’m at a loss for words, but after finishing this book, my heart was pounding and I couldn’t find words big enough to describe how brilliant, beautiful, and powerful it is. Those words just don’t seem to do it justice. None do. By far one of the best books I’ve read this year. By far, one of the books I won’t stop thinking about.